Catch up: Herman 2021

April 28, 2020 Photo credit: Nataworry Photography

Seems like an age ago, but in February 2021, as a multi-generational household Grandpa and the adults all successfully got Moderna COVID-19 vaccines.  We were elated.  Second doses and boosters followed in later months.  Grandpa never got sick.   

The isolation of the pandemic took its toll on us and on Grandpa.  Our weekly family dinners continued in our home, but the real breakthrough for him came after vaccines rolled out and then community spread decreased over the summer. Grandpa got to go back to church.  It was the highlight of his year I can assure you.  He loved his friends at the Shoreline Seventh-day Adventist church and looked forward to being there in person each week during the summer and early fall.  (Zoom may have changed the world, but it isn't awesome for the hearing impaired who can't operate iPads themselves.) 

In spring and summer, Herman took regular walks, again enjoying the ability to reconnect with friends, and, by then, he had figured out how to put on and take off a mask pretty well even having "old hands" as he called them. 

It all seems a bit of a blur now, but after we moved Byron to Vancouver in August and school started, Grandpa Herman began a rapid physical and cognitive decline that we hadn't fully anticipated.  His mobility decreased and he began falling often in his apartment. He would get confused more easily and he began having other issues with sleeping, falling from bed, and bathing.  We had a steady stream of OT and PT visitors to the house, frequent trips to get x-rays and check in with the doctor -- and more 911 calls than we wanted to make.  Getting in and out of the car became really difficult for him, and his walks pretty much stopped.  On his good days, he would take walks under the deck on the cement pad, doing 100+ "laps" with his walker. 

By mid November, we were trying to find more help for him on a daily basis, trying to hire caregivers to spend time with him to give me a break and to help him with his mobility, handle the laundry, food prep, and other tasks he wanted to do himself but that were proving to be too difficult.  Finding and hiring such persons was difficult.  Availability was minimal, and hourly rates for some were as high as $50/hour.  That made the idea of looking at a new place to live with more support a reasonable idea.  Herman gave the idea of a move some thought and within a few days, he told us he thought it would be the right thing to do.  It wasn't really what he had wanted, and it signaled that he was entering a final phase of his life, which made it difficult for him and us.  But he was right, it was the right thing to do.

We found grandpa a studio apartment at Cherrywood Village, an assisted living facility in Portland, Oregon, in early December.  Before he moved, quite a few neighbors and friends stopped by for a farewell party outside his apartment. We were touched by the outpouring of support for him and for us and the many people who stopped by to wish him well on his move.  He had made some special friends over the years living with us in Seattle and it was nice that so many of them took time to say goodbye.

The move meant he would have support and help with everything from bathing and laundry to all his meals prepared.  He could take walks if he was able or just visit with other and/or watch the news -- whatever he liked.  Being in Portland also fit with the plan to relocate our family to the Vancouver are to live together with Byron in time for the next school year.  And, it gave Byron the ability to visit his dad each week.  So, on December 7, we moved Herman into Cherrywood Village, where he immediately began making friends.  The apartment was modest, but with a TV mounted to the wall and some pictures (not shown) it was actually quite homey.  Importantly, he had lots of help and began settling in easily.

Once he moved in, he made some friends and got to know his care staff well.  He seemed to have the support he needed and rarely fell.  He enjoyed the dining room and ate well -- even gaining some weight!  He was in good spirits each week when Byron visited.  Even so, his body and mind continued to decline such that by March, he started having more falls and couldn't remember to call for help before moving about, which made him a danger to himself when alone. Cherrywood Village requested that we find a new home for Herman, ideally in a group family setting where he could get more individualized attention and support.  We gave notice to move him out of his apartment at the end of April and began working with a placement consultant to find the right place for him.  Around this time, his medical team also recommended that he start hospice services to support his decline.

Complicating the situation, our family left at the beginning of April on a long-planned trip to France, which, as it worked out, coincided with the start of hospice services.  While we were away, our placement consultant was looking for a new living situation.  And although we worried he would miss us, we were glad he would have extra support while we were away and we knew he was in good hands at Cherrywood with people he knew and care he needed.  Byron and he had a nice visit right before we left on our trip.  

While in France, we stayed in contact with his hospice team.  They were fabulous and good communicators.  He sounded to be doing well, having no major issues, and looking forward to our return in a couple weeks.  As it turned out, things got complicated at the end of our trip since we all contracted COVID-19 and could not return home until we all tested negative (thank you US State Department).  This meant our trip was extended by 12 days and we did not return until April 25.  

We returned with only a few days to finalize a new living arrangement for Herman and loop him in on the plan.  Wyatt and I drove to Vancouver on Thursday, finalized a new place for Herman to live on Friday morning, and went to visit with him that Friday afternoon.

We had received a call from his care team on Friday morning that he was agitated that morning and that he had been given a small amount of anti anxiety medication, which had helped him relax and he was napping comfortably.  We arrived mid-afternoon to find him dozing noisily in his recliner.  With a little help from the care team, they woke him up enough for a drink and got him settled into his bed where he could rest more comfortably.  After they had him settled, Wyatt and I went into his apartment again to visit.  He had once again fallen asleep and we thought it odd that we couldn't wake him up enough for him to open his eyes, but his eyes were fluttering and he seems to know we were there, moving his arms a bit while relaxed and drowsy.  We talked to him up close anyway, thinking maybe he could hear us.  We touched him and told him we were back, about our delay, and that we were looking forward to coming back for a visit when he wasn't so sleepy the next day. We never had a chance to tell him about the planned move.  Before we left, Wyatt and I told him we loved him.

It was about an hour later that we received a call from Byron that Herman had passed away.

We were glad that he knew we were back from our trip and that we loved him.  His death itself was quick, pain-free, and calm. I think in many ways he had been waiting for us to return before he went.

Over the 12 years he lived in our home, we made many great memories.  He thoroughly enjoyed our weekly family dinners (and the leftovers) for most of those years.  He loved our cats, was an avid walker, and made many friends at his church and in our neighborhood.  These are a few of my blog posts chronicling some of our celebrations and experiences with Grandpa Herman over the years. 

Summer Road trip to BC with Grandpa

His 90th Birthday Party

Herman's 89th Birthday

Living with Us

Emigrating Grandpa